Thursday, November 13, 2014


It took me that long to get diagnosed and it's been the 3rd day since that and I've been waking up with the same feelings I had two years ago. 

I never thought this would materialise. I've always known that I think a bit differently than the next person. Something in my life finally broke me. I was trying so hard not to let him win and it turns out I've been doing exactly everything I shouldn't have been doing.

I know I'm responsible for my life, I know I've made so many stupid decisions. I know I need to be stronger and get out there again but I always wind up here. Everything is an effort. And I'm sick to death of feeling this way. 

I'm speechless and in shock, for the first time I'm not seeking answers on my own because I'm scared I start doing the wrong things for myself. 

I don't plan on being this way my whole fucking life. I've things in my head that paralyse me, questions and things I'll probably never have. And things that I want so badly. Does it invalidate me knowing I'm not well in the head? I know what I want for myself. I don't blame people for not believing me. I don't believe me sometimes too. Everything feels so hopeless. I so can't wait til Monday. I'm so sick of this shit.

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