Try not to head-bop.
Saturday, February 28, 2015
Wednesday, February 25, 2015
Thursday, February 12, 2015
"But before we say another word, you must look into your heart and you must answer me a question. Just one.
If you have been touched by the demon, it's like being touched by the back hand of God. Makes you sacred in a way, doesn't it? Makes you unique, with a kind of glory. The glory of suffering, even. Now, here's my question.
Do you really want to be normal?"—Penny Dreadful, S01E08
Wednesday, February 11, 2015
I was at a hotel with the family. It was New Year's or Christmas or something - not entirely sure - but there were mobs of people to push through. We were on our way to some Space City to try the simulator that takes you to the moon. I'd tried it before apparently, boasting about how real and epic and near-death it all is. Queue's were long, but for some reason we lost dad. And then somehow they lost me. I tried finding my way back to them but by the time I was back at the queuing area, the building was empty.
And so I left to go back to the hotel. The streets were empty. My phone started ringing just as I was passing an old Victorian building. It was K checking in on me and wishing me a good - whatever it was - we ended up talking for a while. I sat on the steps of the building filling him in on most things including D. He tells me that he was actually gonna meet up with D. I said yeah okay don't tell me.
The next phone call I received was from D. He called to brag on about how K was coming to visit him from the 21st to the 5th - I said wow that's ages. He was very proud of himself. I said ya okay and hung up and was surprisingly so unaffected. I continued my walk; full moon, light cool breeze. I found a bridge that crossed over a river and parked myself there to smoke.
Suddenly people came up from behind me, picking me up. It was Jacky and peeps, in town. "What the fuck are you doing?" he greeted me with. That's why we got along haha. Anyway, he invited me to join him and his friends out to boogie. I said okay.
Fast forward and we were at the hip hop room at MOS! Well, it had a steel cage and looked like that anyway. Suddenly someone's noogying me. I turn around look up and it's K. I haven't been happier in a long time. I pounced him hugging him super tight. "Good to see you kiddo," he says as he's got me in his arms with his chin on my head. I spot D from the corner of my eye trying to ignore the fact. I tell K he better go. He kisses my forehead and smiles, puts on a goofy face and starts easy rocking; I copy his moves and see him mouth, "get 'em." I turned back to Jacky and peeps and danced the night away.
Next day I'm with K at the abandoned railroad next to the basketball court we used to play at. He ushered for me to lie in his arms, so I did, and was hugging him super tight as we were talking. I told him he has no idea how healing this is for me. He said he knew. He propped me up and leaned on a tree, my back leaning on his chest between his legs. He'd swap between playing with my hair and hugging me. He started telling me how he didn't want to go see D anymore. I told him to stay.
He told me he'll still take the bus he booked but he'll come back the day after. I told him D isn't going to be very happy. He said he can handle it and not to worry. I started acting like a huge dork I was so happy. I said it meant that we could go running in the mornings together, and blabla and blabla. I was making big gestures and jumping and things. Guy was smiling at me the entire time. He told me to come back, I sat on his lap, and he told me I deserve to be this happy. I hugged him again, telling him he makes the best teddy. He kissed my forehead, holding me tighter this time.
"You'll be okay," he says.
Sunday, February 1, 2015
“I’m going to tell you something: thoughts are never honest. Emotions are. Do not go around asking for honesty in what people think; much of what they perceive as thinking is empty anyway because it’s thought out again and again and comes out refined and muddy. The ones who know how to feel might have to say to you a couple of interesting things or not and when they do that, you ought to know how to listen. So learn how to listen. You can’t make someone open up about their feelings in case they don’t want to. But you can remain open yourself through listening deeply and completely; they might want to talk about the weather and keep it simple — allow them to feel the simplicity. They might wish to throw a tragic metaphor to you and whisper “fucking hell”, then shut off again. Still, the feeling is there because the moment is. Emotion pours out directly or indirectly each time people engage themselves in the process of genuine interaction. Keep it genuine. Keep it simple.”—Albert Camus, Notebooks 1951-1959